Friendships of Women

You know what I think? I think that close friendships are a rare and dying thing. As women, we have the priority of husband, kids, and home, but rarely is friendship with other women a priority in our life. We are so busy running the kids here and there...involved in every activity our community offers. Not that these are bad things, but we don't leave time for our friendships. No husbands, no kids, no cleaning....just girl time.

Back in the old days, women used to sit together and cook, sew or watch their children play. In school, we always had time for our friends. We spent the night, went over for dinner and went shopping together. I realize that some of these things are not possible once we marry, but taking a couple days or so out of a month to spend time with a special friend would not be that hard. The excuses I hear most often are: "My husband is home that day," or "I have kids and can't go." Really?

Husbands should be willing to watch the kids while Mom gets a break with a friend. Women need other women in a way that men don't understand. It would be beneficial to the husbands to let his wife have this time. Notice how more women are walking away from their families? Notice how they are so stressed, and don't seem to enjoy the time they have with their husbands? No one said that when you get married, you have to spend every waking moment with that spouse. Matter of fact, if you do, they will resent each other and may not even know it.

Men these days are so insecure that they can't let their wives out of their sight. This should not be. Women are so self-sacrificing that they don't see girl friendships as a need. They feel guilt and selfish for taking care of themselves in this way. If you don't take care of this need, though, your family is the one who indirectly suffers.

God made women to NEED friendships. Not only is it a break from the responsibilities of wife and mother and housekeeper, but it refills our tank to talk to a close friend. It is a stress-relief that is hard to explain. It energizes us. We learn to care about someone outside our family. It expands our ability to love others and also love our families more. We need another woman to just relax with, talk to, and spend time with. A friend doesn't need us to do the ordinary tasks of life. They just want to spend time with us and get to know who we are. It's a relationship where we are our own individual person...not someone's daughter, mother, wife, taxi driver, etc. The first thing Mary did when she found out she was going to have Jesus was run to her cousin Elizabeth's house, and spend time with her.

I have several friends that the relationship has never deepened, because of their "dedication" to their family. But if you ask them, they have a great desire to spend time with you. They just don't make it a priority, because somehow they don't see friendships as an important need.

I know personally, that when I get to feeling restless, bored, or just generally "something not right", my husband is quick to recognize that I need to get out with a girl friend. He wasn't always this way. He used to be jealous of that time spent with a friend, but he quickly learned that he was the one to pay for not encouraging my time with friends. It wasn't intentional, but I really resented that he didn't want me to go. And you know, it didn't make me want to spend any more time with him when he acted that way. Now, he is pushing me out the door. He knows I am going to come home happy, energized, and thankful to him. Every time I go somewhere with a friend, and my husband doesn't have a pouty face, I love him more.

The problem is that I don't have anyone to go to the movies with or out to dinner or whatever. Come on women. Let yourselves grow. Give yourself a break from your family. You need it. We need each other. Just going to a once-a-year women's conference is not enough. Work on an intimacy with a friend by spending time with her.

Men, let your wife have a break. You can survive without her one night every so often. It's not babysitting the kids...they are YOUR children. You need time with them, without their mother around, to develop your relationship with them. And guys, you don't need to be jealous of the time your wife spends with a friend. She is not going to love you LESS. She is going to love you MORE for seeing to a legitimate need in her life. You cannot be everything your wife needs in her life. Sorry, but it is true. She needs the Lord, she needs friendships, and she needs some time alone every now and then. {But that's another subject). Man up! Quit being selfish, and encourage her to make a close friend, then make a way for her to spend time with that friend. She will love you more for it.

Anyway...that's what I think.

The day I became the mother of a ten-year old

Billy and Bella

Today is April, 19 - Billy's birthday. I didn't give birth to him, but I became his mother on February 28, 1998. The funny thing is...he looks more like me than my other sons. Actually Billy and Justin look like blood brothers. When David and I first married and went places with the kids, people would ask me if they were twins. I would laugh and tell them that the boys were not twins...they were 8 months apart. Needless to say, I would get strange looks as that they tried to figure out how I did that.

Billy and I had some difficulties at the beginning of our relationship. He liked junk and fast food, so if he didn't like what I fixed, he had the option of going hungry. He did....for a little while. Then, he began to try things, and found he liked most of what I fixed. Now, I don't think there is anything that boy won't eat. There were some trust issues because of his mother. I tried to teach him the difference between closeness and respect.

After Billy learned the rules of the house and the "flow" of the family, he fit right in. He and Justin were close...no, I mean really, they shared at bedroom. It was like watching The Odd Couple ( that's an old tv show, kids). Justin neat and particular, and Billy more, uh, let's say easygoing and carefree.

The poor child went from being an only child to being a middle child of 4. Then came Emma, whom Billy adored. He didn't mind not being the center of attention. He never complained about much of anything, and got along with everyone. He played awesome football and basketball, and made A's in school.

Somewhere along the line, I forgot that he wasn't born to me. When I'm asked how children I have, I reply that I have five. I love Billy like he is my own son, because he is. I am not going to abandon him or intentionally hurt him in any way. God gave him to me to care for and love, and I do. I'm proud of what he is doing in his life, but it is not the basis of my affection. I love him simply for who he is, not what he does.

My little Billy is about to be married in a month and a half. He has done a great job picking his life partner. I am so thankful he is going to be close by, so I can see him. I'm still wanting our relationship to grow as mother and son. I want to be here the rest of his life to help him when he needs it, give advice, know his children, become a mother to Rachel.

Thank You, Lord for my son, Billy. Guide and keep him through his life. Speak to him with your Spirit about the decisions he needs to make. Lord, be the center of his and Rachel's marriage and bless them. I love you, Jesus, and thank you for the blessings of my family. You are so good.

Marvelous Monday of Plant Therapy! :-)

Pink Magic Roses

Pink Pampas Grass

Mystic Merlin Mallow

 Today was a great day! I got the kitchen cleaned up from the weekend. (It was uncharacteristically messy.) Since I received plants from Springhill Nursery  on Friday, I was eager to get them planted today. So, I transplanted 6 Hostas, planted 3 pink magic roses, a pink pampas grass, 2 milk and honey astilbes, a comfry plant, and 3 mystic merlin mallows (6-8 ft. flowering towers). I weeded the back flowerbeds, and trimmed three trees. Got a lot done...

Milk and Honey Astilbe

However, I smashed my pinky finger, and will probably lose the nail. While weeding around the cactus, I got cactus spines all in my hand. Pulling dead branches out of a large rose bush (which has four deep red blooms), I got scratches and thorns from fingers to elbow. I twisted my ankle, cut my leg, and removed half of a knuckle. After pulling weeds with bare hands all day, I discovered that most of them were poison ivy. Yeah. By dark, I was sunburned and had a extreme headache. I have head to toe muscle pain, but it is a good pain...an intense pain that reminds me that I have to rely totally on God, day to day. Without His power, I can do nothing. Well, that is just a day in the life of ME. Actually, it really was a great day: sunny...slight breeze...perfect for planting in my beautiful yard and flowerbeds. I LOVE it here.

I even had Jehovah Witnesses come by today and comment about how beautiful my yard is. ha ha  God makes good stuff! The pond still needs some work, since the pump was broken for over a year before we moved here, but we have 9 bright orange fish that thawed out a couple of weeks ago, and are doing well. Out lily pads are spreading and the ornamental pond grass is starting to show out of the water.

I sit on my back porch swing and can barely fathom God's goodness to me. I don't deserve it, but He loves me. So many blessings. If it is so beautiful here, can you image how breathtaking it is in Heaven? We couldn't even mentally handle the vastness of beauty without our new, glorified bodies. Can't wait to get there!

Tomorrow, I expect 10 cascading petunias for all my hanging planters. {sigh}

My first day

My name is Kimberly Luther, and I live in Tennessee. I love to read, so I have a book review blog Kimberly's Book Reviews. But I love writing as well, so I decided to start a personal blog too. I hope any and all that come to this site will be blessed, amused, or at least provoked to think. Sometimes, I look serious, because I am always in pain, but anyone who knows me well, knows that it is not true. I'm a nut. Goofy, sometimes. I see the world in a unique and humorous way.

I have been doing Precept Bible Studies by Kay Arthur for about 22 years. I love God's Word, and look forward to the Day in can meet The Word face to face. We are currently studying the Book of Romans, which is good, good, good! Might I also add that sometimes, on occasion, I see the content of the Bible in a unique and humorous way too. { duck...Sorry God}

I homeschool my 10-year-old daughter, Emma.  Alpha & Omega Lifepacs are the curriculum we usually use. Emma is smart, artistic, and has a highly developed case of the "Burress Factor", which is code for fun and unusual sense of humor.

My husband, David, adores me, lets me win most arguments, and will go in debt to ensure my happiness. No, really...he did. We have a dumb but cute dog, Chloe, and a smart but smelly cat, Mr. Fuzzy. Three of four of our grown children Sarah, Justin and Billy live nearby, and Paul lives in Colorado. Dylan and Bella are our wonderful grandchildren. Billy is getting married next month. We live in a calamitous state of Murphy's Law, but are so blessed to have a great family, loving friends, and a Super-duper God.

Welcome to my world.