Friendships of Women

You know what I think? I think that close friendships are a rare and dying thing. As women, we have the priority of husband, kids, and home, but rarely is friendship with other women a priority in our life. We are so busy running the kids here and there...involved in every activity our community offers. Not that these are bad things, but we don't leave time for our friendships. No husbands, no kids, no cleaning....just girl time.

Back in the old days, women used to sit together and cook, sew or watch their children play. In school, we always had time for our friends. We spent the night, went over for dinner and went shopping together. I realize that some of these things are not possible once we marry, but taking a couple days or so out of a month to spend time with a special friend would not be that hard. The excuses I hear most often are: "My husband is home that day," or "I have kids and can't go." Really?

Husbands should be willing to watch the kids while Mom gets a break with a friend. Women need other women in a way that men don't understand. It would be beneficial to the husbands to let his wife have this time. Notice how more women are walking away from their families? Notice how they are so stressed, and don't seem to enjoy the time they have with their husbands? No one said that when you get married, you have to spend every waking moment with that spouse. Matter of fact, if you do, they will resent each other and may not even know it.

Men these days are so insecure that they can't let their wives out of their sight. This should not be. Women are so self-sacrificing that they don't see girl friendships as a need. They feel guilt and selfish for taking care of themselves in this way. If you don't take care of this need, though, your family is the one who indirectly suffers.

God made women to NEED friendships. Not only is it a break from the responsibilities of wife and mother and housekeeper, but it refills our tank to talk to a close friend. It is a stress-relief that is hard to explain. It energizes us. We learn to care about someone outside our family. It expands our ability to love others and also love our families more. We need another woman to just relax with, talk to, and spend time with. A friend doesn't need us to do the ordinary tasks of life. They just want to spend time with us and get to know who we are. It's a relationship where we are our own individual person...not someone's daughter, mother, wife, taxi driver, etc. The first thing Mary did when she found out she was going to have Jesus was run to her cousin Elizabeth's house, and spend time with her.

I have several friends that the relationship has never deepened, because of their "dedication" to their family. But if you ask them, they have a great desire to spend time with you. They just don't make it a priority, because somehow they don't see friendships as an important need.

I know personally, that when I get to feeling restless, bored, or just generally "something not right", my husband is quick to recognize that I need to get out with a girl friend. He wasn't always this way. He used to be jealous of that time spent with a friend, but he quickly learned that he was the one to pay for not encouraging my time with friends. It wasn't intentional, but I really resented that he didn't want me to go. And you know, it didn't make me want to spend any more time with him when he acted that way. Now, he is pushing me out the door. He knows I am going to come home happy, energized, and thankful to him. Every time I go somewhere with a friend, and my husband doesn't have a pouty face, I love him more.

The problem is that I don't have anyone to go to the movies with or out to dinner or whatever. Come on women. Let yourselves grow. Give yourself a break from your family. You need it. We need each other. Just going to a once-a-year women's conference is not enough. Work on an intimacy with a friend by spending time with her.

Men, let your wife have a break. You can survive without her one night every so often. It's not babysitting the kids...they are YOUR children. You need time with them, without their mother around, to develop your relationship with them. And guys, you don't need to be jealous of the time your wife spends with a friend. She is not going to love you LESS. She is going to love you MORE for seeing to a legitimate need in her life. You cannot be everything your wife needs in her life. Sorry, but it is true. She needs the Lord, she needs friendships, and she needs some time alone every now and then. {But that's another subject). Man up! Quit being selfish, and encourage her to make a close friend, then make a way for her to spend time with that friend. She will love you more for it.

Anyway...that's what I think.